I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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