paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's like iHOP with fire
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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