Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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