Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
