You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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