I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
