he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
