There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
