My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
