I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize