Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
