guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
