I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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