My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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