Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
