the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
