Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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