He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't deserve a penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
