Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
