Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
