please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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