Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
