he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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