I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We got so high we made milksteak
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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