adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
