so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How external is "for external use only"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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