Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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