He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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