I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
