holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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