youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
