i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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