Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
