she's into porn, im staying here tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
