I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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