Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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