My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
