My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
