coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you would pick up someone in the library
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
