When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
