...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
