seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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