You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
