im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
