dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I AM VODKA MAN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
