holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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