If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
