nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
