By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
