i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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