i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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