So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
