i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
