i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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