I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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