Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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