I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
