How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
