I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
