hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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