The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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