In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
