I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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