I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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