i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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