My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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