hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
