Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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