Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
did i just pee glitter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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