I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
