I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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